Healthy To Have Close Opposite Sex Friendships While Married?
March 19, 2012 8 Comments
Males and females are naturally attracted to each other so one tends to gravitate to the other in all kinds of settings.
Growing up you develop and maintain a variety of friendships many of which are someone from the opposite sex. This is a normal part of growing up. You walk to school together, hang out at the park, go to the games together and just have great fun together. The tricky part is when you get a little older and become mature adults developing relationships that are a little bit more challenging.
It is very possible to just have guy friends without having a sexual relationship and that is very healthy to experience. If you spend a lot of time together and share a lot of situations, emotions and feelings together one tends to evolve into an intimacy that can get really complicated. Often best friends fall in love and marry.
If a person is real honest with themselves they do once in a while have a fantasy thought about a best friend which again is perfectly normal. The problem is generated when you are happily married and you encourage a relationship with the opposite sex outside of the marriage.
Marriage is a work of art to perfect with lots of give and take. A couple involved in a marriage partnership engages in financial situations that create heated conversations from time to time. I don’t know of one couple, not saying it isn’t possible, that doesn’t struggle with the best way to take care of the finances. The lower the income the greater the risk therefore the greater the emotions.
If you have been married for very long the debate over how you squeeze the tube of toothpaste is on. Little things like leaving the whiskers on the sink irritate the one who cleans it up. Some like the trash to be taken out daily and others like to let it pile up until it runs over the top. When only one person in the home worked it was much simpler as it was like an unwritten rule that the breadwinner worked out of the home and the stay at home spouse worked in the home. Everyone is different so the picture of how this can look is different for all couples. Together you come to an agreement if you are in a healthy relationship as to which duties belong to whom.
Days gone by it was expected that the man went to work and the woman took care of the children and the house as well as the garden. In that Era the man worked very hard and long hours and many still do today. Women worked from sunup to sundown and never seemed to get it finished and got up the next day to do it all over again.
Today the scene is a lot different and varies quite a bit. Men and women both work out of the home and many times the woman makes the bigger paycheck. This brings about a bigger question between couples who gets to make the financial decisions the man or the one who makes the most money. Not going there.
It’s Not About Money!
This Hub is not about money but I said all that to bring about my point that married couples deal with a lot of issues, stress and situations that create anger, hurt, frustration, and engender disagreements from time to time. That being said who do you go to when you get upset if the two best friends are angry at each other? It can be very tempting to share your story with another best friend to gain a little sympathy or glean advice from them. This can create other problems when the best friend tells you how thoughtless or ridiculous your spouse is behaving. This doesn’t happen always but can be the case many times.
One thing leads to another and because this friend is the one who gives you sympathy it becomes a habit to run to them every time there is a little spat or a hurt feeling. Before you know it you come to resent the spouse for being the unthoughtful person and the comforter becomes the closer person in your life. It is easy for this person to tell you how ugly your spouse is behaving as they haven’t had to live with the way you always leave the lid off of the mouthwash or the fact that you never check the balance on the checkbook when writing a check. The list could be never ending but my point is that this best friend doesn’t know all the ugly things about you because you only tell them the bad stuff about your spouse not about you.
Best Friends?
I see this as a problem as it isn’t honoring someone sharing their private issues. It is embarrassing to the person being talked about as well as creating a tension whenever your best friend and they are around each other. The other concern is once you and your spouse kiss and make up all is forgotten but the best friend still has that ugliness on their mind every time they come over and this causes strained relationships.
Best friends outside of the marriage can also be very close and intimate and your spouse may not share the same feelings for this person which can also create situations that can be uncomfortable. The bottom line is when you are married you have agreed to honor and respect that person for the rest of your lives.
According to the Merriam-Webster honor is one’s word given as a guarantee of performance, respect and esteem shown to another, profound respect mingled with love, devotion, or awe. When you honor the other person in your marriage you do not want to do anything to dishonor them or hurt them in any way. There is no other relationship that should be more important to you than your spouse with one exception and that is God.
I do think it is fun to engage in other friendships besides your spouse and the best way to do this is to have groups to hang out with. Mostly couples but it is okay to invite a single or two if they are brave enough to hang out with you. This creates an atmosphere that is safe for all and you still get your needs met to having other friendships.
It’s a sticky situation. I’m not married but I can imagine that no matter how secure the spouse is there will be some jealousy/suspesion if TOO much time is spent with a friend of the opposite sex.
I like the idea of going out as couples. It’s a great way to be social and not have to worry about this. Unless you or your spouse is very flirtious and being disrespectful. If that’s the case then you have a whole nother issue that has to be addressed. I have friends that have always been strickly friends but when I have a man I tend to separate myself a bit just in respect of my relationship but never just force them out my life.
Men are sneaky. i don’t play that. Only gay male friends everybody else has to go :bandit:
I say you can if you approach the situation the right way. Never put your male friend before your husband and vice versa for men. Don’t constantly talk about your male friend to your husband that gives the impression that he’s on your mind a lot and can make him jealous.
No matter how much trust a couple has this can and probably will cause some type of rift in the relationship one way or another
I trust them as far as I can throw them. And i’m not a strong guy so yeah there u go lol.
I think that it’s possible but the two of you have to have a VERY strong relationship. Even the most secure person can become jealous if the situation is right. The two of you have to have boundaries and limitations. Also the friend has to respect these boundaries and limitations.
If they’re use to calling you after work and just talking about different things this may not be very comfortable once married and/or living with someone. If you’re living by yourself then maybe but if you’re significant other calls you should probably tell your friend you’ll call them back. Have to put the relationship 1st and try to make it work cause it’s never easy and friends at times will only complicate things. Especially single friends!!
it’s all about communication and adapting to what your partner prefers. Some don’t mind it within reason while others may want it to be at a bare minimum.
Personally I’d let me spouse/partner have lady friends if I get the right vibe from them. I’d have to meet them but if I felt she was just waiting for the right moment to try to seduce him then it’s a no go. Also if she’s single then that may also draw a red flag. Things always look better when it’s not yours and can’t have it.
It’s almost impossible for this to occur without it becoming an issue at some point. Jealously is a big thing in a relationship and your mate may feel you should speak to them about your problems instead of a “close friend”
I have a close female friend and were not sexually involved. We went to that leveling the past and it didn’t mature into anything so we became really good friends. But I cam see how a woman wouldn’t want me to have a close lady friend. That’s when trust comes into play. But temptation is a bitch lol