Single Parents: When To Introduce Your Date To Your Children
April 9, 2012 7 Comments
The life of the single parent is two days worth of effort packed into one day. In some cases the single parent’s emotions are left on the back burner of life as the years fly quickly by.
Soon the single parent feels the need to date again. And so the search for a suitable partner begins all over again. But this time around, it’s more than just your parents who are interested in your dating habits.
No longer are you worried about introducing your date to your parents, this time it’s your children that you’re worried about. Endless questions enter your mind such as: are your children ready for someone new in their life, is it too early to introduce them to someone who may not stay around, and are you really ready to get back into a relationship?
New Beginnings
Getting back into the dating game can bring a multitude of emotions back into your family situation. Before you take this important step of introducing your children to someone new in your life, here are several things to keep in mind.
Is this new person in your life someone you would choose to be a permanent fixture in your family? Are your kids ready to emotionally accept someone new into their lives? And most important: is this relationship between you and your “new” partner one which will be good for the entire family? These are just several things to consider before a date is introduced to your children.
Bringing in a new date each week to meet your children does nothing but confuse them. Small children need a sense of routine and security, and with several dates being introduced to them their mental stability is being tested yet again.
Change of Family Status
Children don’t need to be informed of everyone you go out with. But, when someone special comes along it might be time to tell them about your potential new partner. Listen to their comments as you tell them about the new person, and watch how they react to this new information.
If your relationship with this special someone has reached a serious stage of emotional development, and they might be a consistent part of your life, then maybe it’s time to introduce everyone.
Make sure that your date has good morals and character before introducing them to your kids. Get to know this person, and find out who they really are. Is this person someone that you would feel comfortable with including into your family?
Of course before this time you’ve already told your date of your family status. If in fact they’ve stuck with you to this point with children involved, more than likely your partner is ready to meet your child, or children. Don’t force anything before the time is right.
Emotional Changes
Make sure that your children understand and also accept that mommy and daddy are not going to get back together again. This is of most importance before you introduce your children to “anyone” new. This will prevent many undue hardships for the children involved. Your children must be able to understand this before anyone new is introduced.
If you’ve introduced a prospective suitor to your children before they were emotionally ready, it could possibly cause a number of destructive emotions such as: feelings of neglect, abandonment, jealousy and also replacement.
Young children need their own period of adjustment to stabilize their emotions after a divorce. Usually after a period of time an acceptance of change will take place in your child, and they will be ready to move on to new adventures. However, this is not in all cases, so be prepared.
Wait until the kids are emotionally ready before introducing a date of “any kind” to them. Everything must be done when the time is right. Does the date have all of the moral requirements needed to fit into your family? Is your relationship with this new partner stable? Are your children emotionally ready for a change in the family status again? If yes is the answer to these questions then it’s probably time to introduce everyone.
Introductions
Now that you’ve already talked to your children about your date, and their ready to meet them, remember to take it slow. Give your children and the date time to talk and get to know one another.
Sometimes the child might not be quite ready to share you with someone new, so take it slow and easy, and don’t rush into anything. Your children might be a little jealous at first of your attention to someone else. Young children are very adaptable to new situations, and “most times” adjust to this change rather quickly.
Help your children to understand that this date is not a replacement for the parent that has left the family. Instill in your children that the parent who has left the family is still their parent, and the love they have for their children still exists.
Young children need to understand that no one is ever going to replace the bond which you share with them. Time does in fact heal most wounds, but the emotional scars can remain with them for years to come.
Sex & Relationships
i think every situation is different and you have to know your kids. Some kids may be ready before others say may never accept the fact that mommy or daddy is gone and will reject anyone you try to bring in.
I strongly believe to get to know the person before even thinking about letting them met your kid(s).
I am a single mother and I wouldn’t go on a couple of dates and then bring him home to meet my daughter. We’d have to go out for months and months before that happens. But i would tell them i have kids to see if he’ll hang around. Some men will some men won’t. It’s apart of life.
i agree you just have to know you’re kids. as a parent you’ll know when it’s time. That’s if you have a good relationship with them.
i grew up without my father. He passed away when i was a child. So my story may be a bit different but I never looked at any of the men as my fathers replacement. My mother kept him alive in our memories and knew he was a good man. When i first met my stepfather my mother explained to me what was going on and gave me small doses of him until i was comfortable enough around him.
I think it was good for her to introduce him slowly to me instead of having him over all the time. It’s a transition period a child has to go through, and just dumping a new person in there life can be tramatic.
these seems like good tips. I never had to go through this growing up but who knows when i have kids they may have to go through this. So could come into use one day. I pray not because i only want to get married once.
one thing that’s important for them to know is that the parents bf/gf isn’t a replacement for the parent that’s not in the house. I was raised by a man who wasn’t my father but he treated me as if i was his own. But at the end of the day i knew he wasn’t my biological “dad” but he was my “father”. That has to be earned from someone who isn’t your biological parent
Some kids will never accept it.. know it would’ve been hard for me to accept
I think ad long as all parties are mature and communicate things shouldn’t be a problem. The parent must speak w the child and let them understand the situation that the person isn’t “replacing” their mother or father.